Sin Synn Guest Article - "They Keep Pulling me Back In..."

Those of you with long memories may recall that I used to write articles for a blog network called the House of Paincakes. One of my fellow writers on that network was a strange creature known as SinSynn who has decided to return to the world of blogging that quite frankly has been lessened by his absence...well...there were less tentacles at least...and Megan Fox was marginally safer...

Having no desire to manage a blog of his own will be utilising mine so here's his third article this time with some warnings about the dangers of addiction....

--------------------

Hey, folks. SinSynn here.

Sorry for the lack of posting, but I've actually gotten mixed up with a bad crowd, and I'm up to no good.

Oh, sure, '40k Escalation League' sounds all innocent an' whatnot, but lemme tell ya - I've already found myself breaking night, on work nights, no less. I've spent money I don't have. I've been lying, sneaking, and generally acting like a shady character in an effort to get my slimy tentacles on my next 40k fix.

*Look, man...Lemme just hold a sprue*

Yes, folks. You read that correctly. I'm jumping back into the hobby like I'm brand-noob.

I joined a 40k Escalation League.

:D

The good news is that I won't be forced to play Battlefront's somewhat awful Team Yankee (yeah, I said it), but I think I might've pulled off a really cool Matrix-like dodge maneuver: I avoided the bullet, only to step right in front of a cannonball.

D'oh.

People were practically giving Team Yankee stuff away. I had already scored brand-new, in-box sets of U.S. Abrams Tank platoons and a U.S. Mechanized platoons for like 20 bucks a box. Nevertheless, in truth, I didn't really wanna play Team Yankee. I didn't.

I was gonna do it, cuz the Ultimate Rival was all into it, and welp, waddayagonnado? That's my boy, and I don't really have any other excuses to offer other than that.

Team Yankee's future looked bleak 'round my way; gamers were unloading their brand-new boxsets - that's always a bad sign once the initial 'new game excitement' wears off. With new systems like the Star Wars X Wing game you couldn't find new kits anywhere when they released.

A few months after Team Yankee releases and folks are happy to lose more than half of their investment cuz hey – sumpthin' is better than nuthin.'

Such is life huh?

*shrug*

The Ultimate Rival and I were happy to play it in the Gaming Garage, and we had a couple other suckers to make up the numbers for club vs. club tournaments.

We played a few games, and the future seemed set, but then, outta the blue, Games Workshop started...doin' stuffs.

Neither the Ultimate Rival or myself saw it coming. Neither of us could've predicted it. It didn't sneak up on us, either. One day we just started talkin' 'bout 40k. GW was makin' moves, releasing new stuffs, giving fans things they wanted...

The Ultimate Rival and I went back 'n' forth for a bit, and there was definitely something in the air, but neither of us was willing to commit. We've both been burned by GW before.

Sadly, both of us are huge suckers when it comes to 40k. We have the collective willpower of an alcoholic trapped in a bar following the inevitable zombie apocalypse when 40k gets a buncha new shinies.

We wants them. Yesh, we do.

 *Is that a new shiny?*

I will say this- the Ultimate Rival broke down first. It wasn't me.

So nyah.

One day I just got a text, showing a picture of a buncha Beakie boxsets, with a total bullsh*t excuse that simply read, 'I'm gonna start building a Salamanders army for my youngest son.'

Every single stalk-mounted occular appendage on my knobbly Xeno head rolled in a nearly teenage-girl sooper-dramatic drama level.

'Sure thing, dude,' I replied, 'Your son needs a Salamander army. That looks like enough boxsets to build more than a single army, though. Unless that's gonna be a full-blown Drop Pod army...with a buncha Landraiders, and Rhinos, and is that a Storm Talon?'

There was a somewhat lengthy pause. We both knew what was happening here, but we've both fallen off this particular wagon a handful of times...it's just that admitting it is a lil' embarrassing.

A smidgen. A tad. A wee bit...

So making the other guy suffer is mandatory.

'Well,' he says ever-so-innocently, 'I've been thinking that maybe my Black Templars can use a flyer.'

Pffft. This guy...So full of it.

'I thought you already had a Storm Raven,' I countered, 'That's a flyer, no? Your Templars already have a flyer, wiseguy.'

I could hear him throwing his hands up.

'Ok, more flyers, then. I was totally in the store, buying stuff for the kid, and I saw the Storm Talon, and I was like “Hey, why not?” You know how these things happen. So yes, I bought a Storm Talon for my Black Templars. We have access to all the Vanilla stuff now, y'know.'

I narrowed most of my stalk-mounted occular appendages. 'And that's all you bought?'

Another pause.

...

'I ASKED IF THAT'S ALL YOU BOUGHT,' I repeated, in an entirely overly loud voice.

'I HEARD YOU, YOU IDIOT,' he shouted back at me, 'jeez, I was just thinking.'

There was something in the tone of his voice that was triggering every 'It's a trap!' sensor in my head. Him 'thinking' is never a good sign.

'Oh gawd,' I exclaimed quietly, 'What did you do, you maniac?'

Again with the pause...well, I was suffering a frighten. Maybe he didn't hear me...

...

'I SAID WHAT DID...'

'I FRIGGIN' HEARD YOU FOR CRYIN' OUT LOUD!!!'

'Well maybe chill with the awkward pauses. I feel like you're trying to work up the nerve to tell me you're pregnant with my child...Oh gawd, please tell me you're not pregnant with my child...'

The Ultimate Rival put on his exasperated voice. 'Y'know, it's just impossible to have a normal conversation with you. It's like you can't go five minutes without saying something weird, or something only you think is funny. I swear, after all these years...'

'I can't help but notice you've failed to answer my question,' I interrupt his lil' tirade, 'Just fess up, dude. What did you do? What army are you building now? Whatever it is, you're on your own. We discussed this. We both agreed we wouldn't do anything about 40k until we saw new rules that we both liked.'

Clearly, I was putting my foot down. I wasn't gonna give in to 40k and its wily ways.

'Well ha, wiseguy,' came the Ultimate Rival's ever-so-smug retort, 'I'm not building a “new” army. This is all Templars stuff.'

...there was something about the way he said that that made me say my next thought aloud...

'You're building a brand-new Black Templars army, aren't you?'

...and his reply was completely unsurprising...

'Basically yes.'

-_-

*Hi, I'm a Black Templar. Far into the future, when mankind has mastered faster-than-light travel, and everyone has crazy laserguns an' whatnot, we're gonna fight with swords and use lanterns. Makes total sense*

Well that's a cute story, SinSynn, I hear you say. That hardly explains how you're suddenly in a 40k Escalation League, now does it? Mister 'I won't fall for 40k and its wily ways' over here.

Well, first of all...Don't you judge me.

I've already admitted to being so weak I can't bench press a Kleenex, fer cryin' out loud.

Furthermore...Chill, money.

I haz excuses. Good ones, I swearz,

*Just don't ask any questions and this will all work out fine*

Ok, well...It all started with The Hamster That Lives In My Head, y'see...

(Yes, we're totally going with this excuse. You shadddup. This is gud excuse)

There I was one night, fighting with him over which tab was gonna be open on the laptop, the tentacle porn tab, or the...what the hell was that?

'Oh that?' the Hamster casually replies to my frenzied queries flippantly. He knows what he's doing, the fuzzy little jerk. My weakness for tentacle porn can only possibly be topped by my weakness for...

'That, my empty-headed Xeno friend, is one of the new Tau Mechs.'

*What is it? Oh, it's just a giant Stealthsuit, that's all O-o WHAT THE FLYIN' F*CK? Gimme naow*

Normally at this point, The Hamster That Lives In My Head is frantically spinning my thoughts on his lil' Hamster exercise wheel, but since he was currently surfing the 'net on my laptop, I just kinda stared blankly in open mouthed amazement.

'Did you just say “one of” the new Tau Mechs?' I asked in a monotone fashion, my eyes glued to the monitor, the tentacle porn forgotten, despite the flopping tentacles and sticky fluids everywhere, 'As in, there's more than one new Tau Mech?'

The Hamster smiled a smile that probably looked very much like the smile the Serpent gave Eve as he convinced her that apples are delicious, and so good for you too.

'Oh yeah, man...there's a bunch. Just lookit thi-'

He didn't have time to finish that sentence, as I swept him and the tentacle lubricant and generous pile of towels off the desk, and started going through the Tau section over at the Games Workshop website.

...After a couple of minutes, I retrieved the lubricant and towels...

A day or so later, this happened...

*I swear, I was reverse-mugged on East 8th street in the Village! That's totally what happened!* 

Aaaaand...the next thing you know, I'm in an Escalation League, cuz apparently there's a whole buncha fools that caught this sudden outbreak of 40k-itis, or whatever you wanna call it.

Look, I'm not proud.

But OHMYGAWD I luvs da new Tau Codex.

It's so shmexy.

*Hey...That's a mighty big burst cannon you've got there*

And we're gonna talk all about it, next time. I swearz.

Right now, I've got two more Crisis Suits to build, and I've still got several tentacles that aren't glued together yet.

:D

So yeah...I'm back, suckas.

*And there has been much rejoicing :)*

You thought I complained a lot about Games Workshop before?

Hah!

Have you seen the price of a Broadside lately?

0_o

Until next time, folks – Have a very Xenos day!

(Returning to the original)

- SinSynn